BIG THING, little thing

My cell phone battery is a lazy bum. I got a brand new RAZR® cell phone in December, which was good because my previous cell phone was the crappy blue one that had horrible reception and nothing cool. And the worst part was, everyone had that phone! If a diabolical wizard with nothing better to do had decided he would steal everyone’s cell phones and throw them into a pile, I wouldn’t have been able to find mine because it would have been a huge pile of those crappy blue phones. That’s why I put a Simpsons sticker on the front, in case I’m ever in the area where a wizard feels like getting tricksy.

But back to the point at hand. When I got rid of my crappy blue phone, the battery couldn’t hold a charge for more than half a day. It was annoying to charge that sucker up constantly. But who can blame it? I had had “Ol’ Bluey” for purt nigh three years, and no battery is expected to work perfectly. I mean three years is like seventy-eight in cell phone battery years. So when I got new my new RAZER©, I was excited as nuts, because I knew that I had a reliable battery once more. Things were great. That battery would stay charged for up to four days before I had to charge it again. And it stayed that way for a while. I was very happy with my RAZ3R™ phone purchase. Sure, it was expensive, but it was worth it. I had camera, video, games, and even a ringtone with trumpets! Oh, it was the stuff of dreams…until like a month ago. I charged my phone up in the morning, went through my day, and at the end of the day, WHAT THE CRAPPING NUT CRAP?! It was near dead. I thought this was some sort of anomaly, so I charged it up again, and behold ye doubters! It was dead again within a day.

So what have I done about this? Nothing. What can I do? Going to the cell phone store is a bigger painus in the anus than anything I can think of. They take forever to even get to you, and when they do, they just want to sell you more stuff. And I’m going to Japan where my cell phone won’t work anyway, so I’m not buying a battery right now. So what was the cause of this change?
At first, I suspected something sinister. I thought that when I put my cell phone down at some point in the past month, I put it down near some other cell phone. A communist cell phone. That’s right. A commie cell phone that filled my battery’s head with lies about the proletariat and me, the oppressive bourgeoisie. So he stopped holding a charge, in some sort of battery rebellion. I opened up the back every once and awhile to give my battery a stern talking to, but it just sat there. Didn’t say a thing, like he was better than me. That’s when it dawned on me.

It being only six months or so since I got my phone, I can calculate in cell phone years that my batter is probably about fifteen or sixteen. It has the energy to stay charged for day’s at a time, but it just doesn’t want to. It’s too lazy. So it wasn’t a united effort of the battery working class to rebel against me, it was the angsty do-nothing adolescent effort to rebel against me. Well, at least he’s not a commie. My battery may be lazy and stupid and downright irritating, but he’s my battery. I won’t stop charging him. Sooner or later, he’ll stop writing in his battery journal and pretending to cut his battery wrists, but until then, I’ll be supportive and wait for this phase to pass. But if it doesn’t, I’ll treat him like you would a real son who doesn’t grow out of his laziness. I’ll take him outside and smash his face in with a hammer, after which I’ll go out and buy a newer more reliable son. That’s America. Until next time, goodbye.

You better get your act together, boy, or I’ll make a ‘zample outta you.

Hello all! Here I am in my very own blog! Hooray! It’s been awhile since I blogged regularly, so I think it might take me awhile to get in the swing of things. So why blog? Well, first off, Tory made me get a blog, so there’s that. I’m supposed to post cartoons on here, which I figure I’ll do that at some point, or at random junctures. But still, why blog? What makes me or my thoughts so interesting, that you, the purveyor of internet delicacies, must stop and read. Why not just go to YouTube? I mean, the internet is filled with many wonders to behold, most of which don’t require you to strain your eyes and read. And if you do decide to read, why would you decide to read my thoughts? I read somewhere once that a new blog is born ever half second. Good…freaking…crap! That’s a lot of blogs. So, out of the two billion or so weblogs that are floating around cyberspace, why shuffle over to this dark cranny of the web and use up your time and energy to read the ravings of someone such as myself? What reason can I offer?

None. I’ve got nothing really. I’ll try to be entertaining. I’ll try to post cartoons every so often and also a vast assortment of things from the internet that I enjoy. And finally I’ll try and stay regular (Heh-heh. Poop.). No, but seriously, I will try to update on a regular basis. The real point of starting this little venture is to kind of get me in a rhythm for blogging every day. I’ll be going to Japan in less than a week, and I want to be in the habit of recording my thought and adventures daily. Until I leave, my entries will most likely be mundane and ordinary. But just you wait, Sammy Joe! Once I get to Japan, that month will see the greatest blog entries of anyone ever! And then after that…well, they’ll probably suck again and I’ll lose all my readers. Man, now I’m sad.

I guess that does it for my first blog entry. That last one was just a test for when I set up my Word Press. I decided to keep it up because I got two comments! Woo-hoo! And they may be the only comments I ever get, so I can’t risk deleting them. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow if I feel like it, and chances are, I will. Have great day and don’t get dead. Until then, here’s a cartoon.